4 Days till Dane... This dude's getting a ticket

Wanna make sure you get a ticket, this is the sticker for you. Hope to see everyone on labor day (ticket free):

5 Days till Dane... Europe vs the USA

Dane is coming, you should be too. Today's comedic tid-bit:

6 Days till Dane... This is just not right, but its funny

Dane Cook is up in five days on HBO. Want some free popcorn, perhaps a beverage, perhaps just to meet some people? Join us. Now before you comment, I know the following is 'just not right' but remember, this is a comedy count down to Dane Cook and there is no need to offended unless that's you:

7 Days till Dane... And some funnies

Yes, that's right, there's only seven days left till Dane Cook does his hilarity on HBO for all of us at my Dane Cook Viewing Party for which you should RSVP. Until then, enjoy a funny photo:

Dane Cook Vicious Circle Viewing Party

Entourage's season finale was last week so there's nothing to watch Sunday, but Dane Cook is Monday. Even if you don't like comedy, don't know who he is, or are scared of meeting new people you should come join us. Its fun. Popcorn, beverages, HD, Surround Sound, over 100 inches (yea ladies! :), seriously... We don't bite, hard. See ya here. -Derek

Pwnage @ Work: Star Wars Legos

HTML is Nice....

A Parent's Worst Nightmare

A father passing by his son's bedroom, was astonished to see the bed was nicely made, and everything was picked up. Then, he saw an envelope propped up prominently on the pillow. It was addressed, "Dad." With the worst premonition, he opened the envelope and read the letter, with trembling hands.

"Dear Dad,

It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing you. I had to elope with my new girlfriend, because I wanted to avoid a scene with Mom and you. I've been finding real passion with Stacy, and she is so nice, but I knew you would not approve of her, because of all her piercing, tattoos, her tight motorcycle clothes, and because she is so much older than I am. But it's not only the passion... Dad she's pregnant.
Stacy said that we will be very happy. She owns a trailer ! in the woods, and has a stack of firewood for the whole winter.

We share a dream of having many more children. Stacy has opened my eyes to the fact that marijuana doesn't really hurt anyone. We'll be growing it for ourselves, and trading it with the other people in the commune, for all the cocaine and ecstasy we want. In the meantime, we'll pray that science will find a cure for AIDS, so Stacy can get better. She sure deserves it!! Don't worry Dad, I'm 15, and I know how to take care of myself. Someday, I'm sure we'll be back to visit, so you can get to know your grandchildren. Love, your son, John.

P. S.
Dad, None of the above is true. I'm over at Tommy's house. I just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than the report card that's in my center desk drawer. I love you! Call when it is safe for me to come home."

This is a repost from an e-mail sent amidst my company.

One T-Shirt Up, More to come

You wanted it and now its here. That's right, fun t-shirts for the whole family, well not exactly if you don't want to get beat up by your wife, mother, daughter, or sister. The only shirt we are sharing right now is just plain wrong, and I think that's just plain right (great, wonderful, etc). Have fun, look out for all sorts of other merch coming soon.

Nine...real...airliner pictures worth viewing

Thanks to Airliners.net we can enjoy some very high-quality images that show some of the mistakes you don't always hear about when flying. Statistically, no matter what anyone says, its still the safest way to travel. (I've flown over 250,000 miles in my lifetime and I have yet to experience a major issue).

1...2...3...4...5...6...7...8...9

Mass murder in the skies: was the plot plausable?

Binary liquid explosives are a sexy staple of Hollywood thrillers. It would be tedious to enumerate the movie terrorists who've employed relatively harmless liquids that, when mixed, immediately rain destruction upon an innocent populace, like the seven angels of God's wrath pouring out their bowls full of pestilence and pain.

The funny thing about these movies is, we never learn just which two chemicals can be handled safely when separate, yet instantly blow us all to kingdom come when combined. Nevertheless, we maintain a great eagerness to believe in these substances, chiefly because action movies wouldn't be as much fun if we didn't.

Now we have news of the recent, supposedly real-world, terrorist plot to destroy commercial airplanes by smuggling onboard the benign precursors to a deadly explosive, and mixing up a batch of liquid death in the lavatories. So, The Register has got to ask, were these guys for real, or have they, and the counterterrorist officials supposedly protecting us, been watching too many action movies?

We're told that the suspects were planning to use TATP, or triacetone triperoxide, a high explosive that supposedly can be made from common household chemicals unlikely to be caught by airport screeners. A little hair dye, drain cleaner, and paint thinner - all easily concealed in drinks bottles - and the forces of evil have effectively smuggled a deadly bomb onboard your plane.

Or at least that's what we're hearing, and loudly, through the mainstream media and its legions of so-called "terrorism experts." But what do these experts know about chemistry? Less than they know about lobbying for Homeland Security pork, which is what most of them do for a living. But they've seen the same movies that you and I have seen, and so the myth of binary liquid explosives dies hard.

Better killing through chemistry

Making a quantity of TATP sufficient to bring down an airplane is not quite as simple as ducking into the toilet and mixing two harmless liquids together.

First, you've got to get adequately concentrated hydrogen peroxide. This is hard to come by, so a large quantity of the three per cent solution sold in pharmacies might have to be concentrated by boiling off the water. Only this is risky, and can lead to mission failure by means of burning down your makeshift lab before a single infidel has been harmed.

But let's assume that you can obtain it in the required concentration, or cook it from a dilute solution without ruining your operation. Fine. The remaining ingredients, acetone and sulfuric acid, are far easier to obtain, and we can assume that you've got them on hand.

Now for the fun part. Take your hydrogen peroxide, acetone, and sulfuric acid, measure them very carefully, and put them into drinks bottles for convenient smuggling onto a plane. It's all right to mix the peroxide and acetone in one container, so long as it remains cool. Don't forget to bring several frozen gel-packs (preferably in a Styrofoam chiller deceptively marked "perishable foods"), a thermometer, a large beaker, a stirring rod, and a medicine dropper. You're going to need them.

It's best to fly first class and order Champagne. The bucket full of ice water, which the airline ought to supply, might possibly be adequate - especially if you have those cold gel-packs handy to supplement the ice, and the Styrofoam chiller handy for insulation - to get you through the cookery without starting a fire in the lavvie.

Easy does it

Once the plane is over the ocean, very discreetly bring all of your gear into the toilet. You might need to make several trips to avoid drawing attention. Once your kit is in place, put a beaker containing the peroxide / acetone mixture into the ice water bath (Champagne bucket), and start adding the acid, drop by drop, while stirring constantly. Watch the reaction temperature carefully. The mixture will heat, and if it gets too hot, you'll end up with a weak explosive. In fact, if it gets really hot, you'll get a premature explosion possibly sufficient to kill you, but probably no one else.

After a few hours - assuming, by some miracle, that the fumes haven't overcome you or alerted passengers or the flight crew to your activities - you'll have a quantity of TATP with which to carry out your mission. Now all you need to do is dry it for an hour or two.

The genius of this scheme is that TATP is relatively easy to detonate. But you must make enough of it to crash the plane, and you must make it with care to assure potency. One needs quality stuff to commit "mass murder on an unimaginable scale," as Deputy Police Commissioner Paul Stephenson put it. While it's true that a slapdash concoction will explode, it's unlikely to do more than blow out a few windows. At best, an infidel or two might be killed by the blast, and one or two others by flying debris as the cabin suddenly depressurizes, but that's about all you're likely to manage under the most favorable conditions possible.

We believe this because a peer-reviewed 2004 study in the Journal of the American Chemical Society (JACS) entitled "Decomposition of Triacetone Triperoxide is an Entropic Explosion" tells us that the explosive force of TATP comes from the sudden decomposition of a solid into gasses. There's no rapid oxidizing of fuel, as there is with many other explosives: rather, the substance changes state suddenly through an entropic process, and quickly releases a respectable amount of energy when it does. (Thus the lack of ingredients typically associated with explosives makes TATP, a white crystalline powder resembling sugar, difficult to detect with conventional bomb sniffing gear.)

---

Mrs. Satan

By now you'll be asking why these jihadist wannabes didn't conspire simply to bring TATP onto planes, colored with a bit of vegetable dye, and disguised as, say, a powdered fruit-flavored drink. The reason is that they would be afraid of failing: TATP is notoriously sensitive and unstable. Mainstream journalists like to tell us that terrorists like to call it "the mother of Satan." (Whether this reputation is deserved, or is a consequence of homebrewing by unqualified hacks, remains open to debate.)

It's been claimed that the 7/7 bombers used it, but this has not been positively confirmed. Some sources claim that they used C-4, and others that they used RDX. Nevertheless, the belief that they used TATP has stuck with the media, although going about in a crowded city at rush hour with an unstable homebrew explosive in a backpack is not the brightest of all possible moves. It's surprising that none of the attackers enjoyed an unscheduled launch into Paradise.

So, assuming that the homebrew variety of TATP is highly sensitive and unstable - or at least that our inept jihadists would believe that - to avoid getting blown up in the taxi on the way to the airport, one might, if one were educated in terror tactics primarily by hollywood movies, prefer simply to dump the precursors into an airplane toilet bowl and let the mother of Satan work her magic. Indeed, the mixture will heat rapidly as TATP begins to form, and it will soon explode. But this won't happen with much force, because little TATP will have formed by the time the explosion occurs.

We asked University of Rhode Island Chemistry Professor Jimmie C. Oxley, who has actual, practical experience with TATP, if this is a reasonable assumption, and she tolds us that merely dumping the precursors together would create "a violent reaction," but not a detonation.

To release the energy needed to bring down a plane (far more difficult to do than many imagine, as Aloha Airlines Flight 243 (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Aloha_Flight_243) neatly illustrates), it's necessary to synthesize a good amount of TATP with care.

Jack Bauer sense

So the fabled binary liquid explosive - that is, the sudden mixing of hydrogen peroxide and acetone with sulfuric acid to create a plane-killing explosion, is out of the question. Meanwhile, making TATP ahead of time carries a risk that the mission will fail due to premature detonation, although it is the only plausible approach.

Certainly, if we can imagine a group of jihadists smuggling the necessary chemicals and equipment on board, and cooking up TATP in the lavatory, then we've passed from the realm of action blockbusters to that of situation comedy.

It should be small comfort that the security establishments of the UK and the USA - and the "terrorism experts" who inform them and wheedle billions of dollars out of them for bomb puffers and face recognition gizmos and remote gait analyzers and similar hi-tech phrenology gear - have bought the Hollywood binary liquid explosive myth, and have even acted upon it.

We've given extraordinary credit to a collection of jihadist wannabes with an exceptionally poor grasp of the mechanics of attacking a plane, whose only hope of success would have been a pure accident. They would have had to succeed in spite of their own ignorance and incompetence, and in spite of being under police surveillance for a year.

But the Hollywood myth of binary liquid explosives now moves governments and drives public policy. We have reacted to a movie plot. Liquids are now banned in aircraft cabins (while crystalline white powders would be banned instead, if anyone in charge were serious about security). Nearly everything must now go into the hold, where adequate amounts of explosives can easily be detonated from the cabin with cell phones, which are generally not banned.

Action heroes

The al-Qaeda franchise will pour forth its bowl of pestilence and death. We know this because we've watched it countless times on TV and in the movies, just as our officials have done. Based on their behavior, it's reasonable to suspect that everything John Reid and Michael Chertoff know about counterterrorism, they learned watching the likes of Bruce Willis, Jean-Claude Van Damme, Vin Diesel, and The Rock (whose palpable homoerotic appeal it would be discourteous to emphasize).

It's a pity that our security rests in the hands of government officials who understand as little about terrorism as the Florida clowns who needed their informant to suggest attack scenarios, as the 21/7 London bombers who injured no one, as lunatic "shoe bomber" Richard Reid, as the Forest Gate nerve gas attackers who had no nerve gas, as the British nitwits who tried to acquire "red mercury," and as the recent binary liquid bomb attackers who had no binary liquid bombs.

For some real terror, picture twenty guys who understand op-sec, who are patient, realistic, clever, and willing to die, and who know what can be accomplished with a modest stash of dimethylmercury.

You won't hear about those fellows until it's too late. Our official protectors and deciders trumpet the fools they catch because they haven't got a handle on the people we should really be afraid of. They make policy based on foibles and follies, and Hollywood plots.

Meanwhile, the real thing draws ever closer.

Repost with permission from The Register.

Micah + Josh :)

True Friends

ONE. Give people more than they expect and do it cheerfully.

TWO. Marry a man/woman you love to talk to. As you get older, their conversational skills will be as important as any other.

THREE. Don't believe all you hear, spend all you have or sleep all you want.

FOUR. When you say, "I love you," mean it.

FIVE. When you say, "I'm sorry," look the person in the eye.

SIX. Be engaged at least six months before you get married.

SEVEN. Believe in love at first sight.

EIGHT. Never laugh at anyone's dream. People who don't have dreams don't have much .

NINE. Love deeply and passionately. You might get hurt but it's the only way to live life completely.

TEN. In disagreements, fight fairly. No name calling.

ELEVEN. Don't judge people by their relatives.

TWELVE. Talk slowly but think quickly.

THIRTEEN. When someone asks you a question you don't want to answer, smile and ask, "Why do you want to know?"

FOURTEEN. Remember that great love and great achievements involve great risk.

FIFTEEN. Say "bless you" when you hear someone sneeze.

SIXTEEN. When you lose, don't lose the lesson.

SEVENTEEN. Remember the three R's: Respect for self; Respect for others; and responsibility for all your actions.

EIGHTEEN. Don't let a little dispute injure a great friendship.

NINETEEN. When you realize you've made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it.

TWENTY. Smile when picking up the phone . The caller will hear it in your voice.

TWENTY-ONE. Spend some time alone .

A true friend is someone who reaches for your hand and touches your heart.

Police hot on doughnut trail

A little offbeat news for ya:

When someone stole a truck full of doughnuts, police sprung into action.

An all-points bulletin was issued moments after the theft of the Viera's Bakery van was reported early Friday in Kennewick.

Read story

Behind the scenes of Family Guy

Ever wonder where I get those cool wallpapers from?

Here's a digg story and one of those websites I frequent. It's an excellent source for free backgrounds. The images are available in all common resolutions, from 2560x1600 down to 1024x768, and are very diversely themed.

read more | digg story

Bandwidth Monitoring Tools

Wanna see what IP addresses are using bandwidth on your network, take a look at this article and the tools that are out there for free.

read more | digg story

Bang Bang

F.E.A.R. Multiplayer completely FREE

If you haven't had the opportunity to sample the game you might not know what you're missing. If you have, then you understand that Sierra when making this game was not jacking around. There is some intense gameplay and graphics and unless you've got the power to push it, don't play.

But here's the best part: It's going to be FREE to download. The multiplayer component of the game has been renamed to F.E.A.R. Combat and the countdown has begun.

Travis Pastrana: 1st Ever Double Backflip in Competition XGames

Borat on Conan O'Brian

Smart Ass Vader

Instructions for a fun time on the interstate...............

Step 1. Tie balloons to car.
Step 2. Drive like a crazy person....
Step 3. Watch people freak out!!!!

Sam gets what he wants... Mac for PC

You nerdy PC lovers that would never touch a Mac, no not you Koby, *cough* traitor *cough*, can virtually run a Mac on your PC in our favorite VMWare very very soon. Read all about it here.

Muhammed Comes to Town

My lawyer, doing his part to piss off the religious right, fundamentalists, zealots and other socially undesirables, one lifetime at a time. Do your part and pass this on to "just the right person." You can change the name to "Jesus Comes to Town" if it will better make the point for your intended audience. Good luck, and happy hunting. Remember: it makes a good Christmas, Ramadan, Easter or other religious holiday gift. Send it to your friends so they won't miss this wonderful opportunity to make "that special statement." Send it to your enemies as your special statement. Remember to update your insurance coverage and Last Will.

"Send lawyers, guns and money...the shit has hit the fan."
Warren Zevon

The Best Deadly Poisons: Number One

Botulinum (Botox)
It’s hard to rank the lethality of toxins, but experts agree that botulinum – several orders of magnitude deadlier than sarin when ingested – is the gold standard. Your nervous system fails and you die in extreme pain. Works miracles on wrinkles, though.

This set of fun posts was dedicated to Paul Veliz, for the rest of the list check out the previous posts :)

My Cubicle

Dedicated to all those cubicle workers out there in the style of James Blunt

The Best Deadly Poisons: Number Two

Ricin
Made from the lowly castor bean, ingested or inhaled ricin causes respiratory and organ failure, followed by death within hours. Even chewing a few beans can kill you.

This set of fun posts is dedicated to Paul Veliz, our personal pharmacologist, the last one is awesome, its tomorrow!

Japan to have a moon base within 24 years

Yep, today they announced that they're gonna do it. Sure they don't even have a heavy lift rocket yet, but it's gonna happen. Read about it now.

The Best Deadly Poisons: Number Three

Anthrax
Cutaneous exposure can kill, but the most deadly, panic-inspiring form of anthrax is inhaled. It starts with flu that doesn't get better - then your respiratory system collapses. An almost infinitesimal amount is enough, its some deadly stuff.

This set of fun posts is dedicated to Paul Veliz, our personal pharmacologist, only two left to go, stay tuned!

Happy Birthday Sis!

My sister Eden is now 20, goodness gracious.

The Best Deadly Poisons: Number Four

Sarin
Sarin is one of the deadliest inhaled nerve gases, hundreds of times more toxic than cyanide. Just one whiff and you’ll foam at the mouth, fall into a coma, and die. Originally synthesized for use as a pesticide, it was outlawed as a warfare agent in 1997.

This set of fun posts is dedicated to Paul Veliz, our personal pharmacologist, these are getting good, Number 3 tomorrow, stay tuned!

Nasty Sports Mishaps

Some of these aren't very pretty :)